insecurity.

i recently kicked up a fuss when someone i am quite, keen on, was juggling myself and another girl. as i disapproved of this matter, there was a lot of confrontation. this constant bickering eventually caused me to subconsciously convince this person to change their ways. when i realised what i had caused to happen, i intially thought it was fantastic. soon enough though, i began to feel extremely hypocritical. you see, here i was asking one person to have only me, when all the while i was meeting someone new who would treat me like a princess, as well as reconnecting with an old "friend" of mine. i couldn't help but wonder, why is it that we as women expect to be treated a certain way, yet when roles are reveresed, we think nothing of the sort? and why is it when these double standards are played by us, it's okay, yet when played by men, it's the biggest issue woman can face? is that not just another double standard within itself?
a million thoughts continued to run through my mind as what i should do to clear this slightly selfish feeling of guilt . do i admit that i was wrong when i convinced him to do what he did? or do i continue this irrational behaviour? or i am just blowing everything out of proportion and simply making up excuses not to be with him? the answers to these questions never chose to show their face. so contemplating everything was suddenly number one on my to do list.
one thing that kept arising in my almost fizzled brain, was the statement, "you're an attention junkie, that's all it is." the reality of this thought, then hit me. i was simply just compensating for attention i may not get from this one person, with the idea of being someone's princess and the reminicsing with a previous crush. so in the end, it clicked. i became aware of all the in-depth deliberation i went through, was unnecessary and i was merely just being insecure about the part-monogamy he had implied.