Monday, August 24, 2009


when we face a dilemma in our everyday lives, it's common for us to ask the supernatural side of the world for a sign. we ask for any kind of symbolism that can help us reach a decision, whether or not we even believe in the supernatural.
although, the strange thing about asking for a sign, is that we only ever follow through with it's direction if it puts a positive light on the matter.
see, when you have feelings for someone, yet you are unsure if making a move is appropriate, then you would look out for any form of guidance. now, if there were signs saying it was not a good idea to persue anything, we would be more inclined to ignore the direction, and we would simply say, "it doesn't matter, i like him!". whereas if they were signs were positive, we would immediately push for something serious to happen. is this simply because we see what we 'want' was more important than the things that are better or 'healthier' for us and our feelings?
having said this, maybe bad signs are just our minds making little tests for our hearts, to discover how we honestly feel. and maybe bad signs only exist based on the interpretation. for example, if the way we feel about a particular situation is a mystery, then maybe our mind sets up a number of signs both for and against the issue. then, depending on our perception of these signs, is is made obvious as to what our heart truly wants. does this mean that rather than helping us come to a final conclusion, signs discover our initial feelings? if that is the case, then without realising, are signs that we see just helping us in reverse to actually understand what we want, or don't want? so instead of percieving signs as a form of mediation, maybe we should percieve them as a form of arbitration.


they say, practise makes perfect. so in other words, repeating the same thing over and over again will cause something good to happen. with playing the piano, or hitting a tennis ball, yes this may be the case. with relationships, not so much.
when it comes to men and you're relationships with them, repetition is not your friend. think about it. if you repetitively act in a way which results in a break-up, obviously it will keep happening. unless you break the pattern. break the repetition. if you repetitively choose the same kind of hurtful men, then you will never be happy. unless you break the pattern. break the repetition.
think back to all your ex's, all your lovers, all your f**k buddies. do they have anything in common? hair colour? height? weight? sense of humour? there's bound to be something. apart from the fact of course, none of them ever worked out. now, think of that one that did. your current relationship. why is that one working? and the others didn't?
i asked a close friend of mine, why her current relationship was going so well, when her previous relationships had failed quite intensly. she simply answered, "he is nothing like the rest." i wasn't happy with her response, so i argued back that they had to have something in common. she persisted however, with the fact that this one man really was different. that's when i wondered, maybe this is why its working. maybe because she broke her reptitive ways, she is finally able to have a successful and happy relationship.
even so, i still wasn't completely convinced that he was entirely unlike her past lovers. so i asked, "if you were to put them both in the same room, what would they talk about?" immediately she replied with, "me." two thoughts came to mind when she said that. one: there's the similarity. the two boys have her in common. and two: that settles it. the key to a successful relationship is to break the pattern. the key to happiness is to break the repetition.


aside from trust, when it comes to relationships, or even a romantic mutual connection, the one thing that stands out are the differences between the levels you and you're partner sit at. i'm talking about the levels of where you both are sexually, emotionally, even socially, intellectually or physically.
we can't choose whom we develop feelings for, and we can't choose the levels we are on, but can we choose whether or not the differences in levels become an issue?
if you liked someone, who liked you in return, you would want someting more, like a relationship, to come out of it, right? then what happens if you learnt that he was emotionally on a lower level than you. would you be able to work through it? or does it become too much of an issue, that eventually causes you two to never speak again? or what if, two people were on completely different levels sexually. would the one on the lower level get cold feet and start feeling guilty because they would not be able to measure up to what their partner would ideally like? would they turn their back on the one they have feelings for, because they can't deal with the difference?
or is it simply a matter of how much you feel for that person? if the connection was so strong, the difference in levels, no matter how great or small, shouldn't be an issue, right? you wouldn't even have to work through it, because neither of you would see a problem. so, does this mean that if you see an issue with the difference of levels between you both, then maybe you aren't right for each other?
having said this, what defines being right for each other, though? what is the criteria for it? maybe there isn't even a criteria, because maybe two people being right for each other doesn't even exist. maybe it really is just a matter of how strong, or weak, you're feelings are for that person. maybe that decision is a level within itself; the level of acceptance.


question: what defines beauty?
everyone uses the term, beauty, regularly, but how do we actually know what it is when everyones has a different perception about it? i decided to turn to my dictionary, to see how they put it into words. and it said, "the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind ... arising from sensory manifestations (shape, colour etc.)."
the thing that bugs me about that definition is, what exactly are those qualities that cause this deep satisfaction? is it just programmed in us, as to what the qualities may be? you walk down the street and see two people of completely different size, hair colour and fashion sense. now, what makes one of those people more beautiful than the other? our obvious answer would be the skinner girl, with blonde hair who dresses in designer clothes. rather than the large girl, with red hair who wears skants (skirt and pants in one) with runners. why? why is the blonde girl better than the girl in runners? who decided this and why doesn everyone believe it? was there simply a person in ancient times who one day said, ok this is more beautiful than this, for the sake of it?
some say that what beauty is, is our own personal perception. our own opinion. but, don't we base all other opinions on what we have been taught from people while growing? how is the perception of beauty any different? growing up in a catholic household, you would base you're opinion that god was real, because of what you were taught. so, growing up with people who thought blonde hair and big boobs were beautiful, would influnece what you saw as beauty, right?
i went back to my dictionary again, and noticed synonyms to the word, beauty. and the one word that caught my eye was, perfection. i could not help but laugh. there is not one person i know that does not believe in 'perfect'. we all know that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, or a perfect person, or a perfect day. so why is there even a word for something that isn't even real?
in maths, when a = b, but b = 0, it means that a = 0. right? so does that mean, if beauty = perfection, and perfection doesn't equal anything, then beauty also does not exist? if that is the case, then why do we bother to fret over the beauty of ourselves, if it doesn't even matter? if it does not even exist?

a real change in romeo?

we all the know the famous shakespearian story of romeo and juliet. the story of two people who fall into a forbidden love, and then find themselves as nothing without the other. the end result being death. personally, i think it's a beautiful story filled with romance, and pure happiness. even though it's a complete tradgedy at the same aspect of the story though, got me thinking. that was, the personality transformation that occurs in romeo and how men in reality can relate to it. if, they can relate to it.
you see, romeo is described as an extremely, promiscuous, man. all those who know him, describe him as someone who falls in and out of love too quickly. so in other words, he is not falling in and out of love, but rather falling in and out of lust. he is a charming, attention-seeking player.and as everyone knows, reality is full of those kind of men too. but what caused this game playing personality trait to simply, disappear? when he met his juliet, he fell into an unconditional love with her. and it never even crossed his mind that there would be anyone else for him in the world. he had literally changed from what we know as a typical man, to an ideal one. so this made me wonder, is there hope for our men in reality, to perfom such a genuine swap-over from playing the game, to having actual feelings?
as exciting as this thought may be, i had to force myself to remember that after all, romeo and juliet is just a fictional story. it's not based on real live events. it's not as if shakespear saw a man go from a womanizer to a prince charming, just because of one young lady. the story was just a brainwave for shakespear. just another crowd pleaser. and as nice as it would be for us women to experience these kind of events, we have to realise that shakespear's romeo and juliet is just the same as disney's fairytales. they both send out false hopes to the world. disney sends them to children, shakespear sent them to us; to me.


i recently kicked up a fuss when someone i am quite, keen on, was juggling myself and another girl. as i disapproved of this matter, there was a lot of confrontation. this constant bickering eventually caused me to subconsciously convince this person to change their ways. when i realised what i had caused to happen, i intially thought it was fantastic. soon enough though, i began to feel extremely hypocritical. you see, here i was asking one person to have only me, when all the while i was meeting someone new who would treat me like a princess, as well as reconnecting with an old "friend" of mine. i couldn't help but wonder, why is it that we as women expect to be treated a certain way, yet when roles are reveresed, we think nothing of the sort? and why is it when these double standards are played by us, it's okay, yet when played by men, it's the biggest issue woman can face? is that not just another double standard within itself?
a million thoughts continued to run through my mind as what i should do to clear this slightly selfish feeling of guilt . do i admit that i was wrong when i convinced him to do what he did? or do i continue this irrational behaviour? or i am just blowing everything out of proportion and simply making up excuses not to be with him? the answers to these questions never chose to show their face. so contemplating everything was suddenly number one on my to do list.
one thing that kept arising in my almost fizzled brain, was the statement, "you're an attention junkie, that's all it is." the reality of this thought, then hit me. i was simply just compensating for attention i may not get from this one person, with the idea of being someone's princess and the reminicsing with a previous crush. so in the end, it clicked. i became aware of all the in-depth deliberation i went through, was unnecessary and i was merely just being insecure about the part-monogamy he had implied.

the real beginning.

they say that the way you start your new year and how enjoyable you find it, reflects how the rest of your year will be. for example. if you start your new year on bad terms with someone, it will be that way for the majority of that year. or if you had the best night of your life, you will enjoy the year so much more. due to my previous new years celebrations, i agree with this statement.
one year i started the new year with a stomach bug. for the rest of the year i was a very unhealthy person. another year my mother and father weren't speaking and the rest of that year resulted in being the worst year of my life to date. on my first new years, out at a party, i drank too much, i kissed more than one person, i had numerous fights with one man, yet i had a really good time. you ask, was the rest of my year that literal? my answer, yes. i constantly fought with that same man, i continued to kiss way too many people and i drank basically every weekend. even so, i enjoyed it. so my question is, can we choose to break this new years curse, or do we just have to go along with it?
after contemplating this question for a while, i discovered an answer that was slightly inconclusive. i came to the conclusion that it is possible for you to break the new years curse, giving that you can believe in yourself enough to do it. the ones who dont believe they can, however, just have to go with it. i then, made two decisions. one: i was going to break it. and two: i was going to do this by starting my real new year today. the second day of the year.
i call this, the real beginning.
starting the new year on the second day, allows for opportunity. that being, you can reconsider anything you may have done to welcome the new year. that being, on new years day you can apply what you have learnt from the night before to how you are going to be for the next 364 days. that being, a new and fresh year really can begin, even after the calendar says so.


every year, new years resolutions are made for the year to come. yet, every year, new years resolutions are broken within the first week. we all do it. say, we are going to loose weight, eat healthier, become more helpful, supportive. some of us choose to say we are going to quit a bad habit, or even pick up a new and good one. whatever it is, when making a resolution you need to differentiate between an ideal resolution and a realistic one.
everyone has an ideal picture in their mind of how they wish their life was or how they wish things could be. and sometimes this ideal image can be so dominant over your thoughts, feelings and behaviour that you forget what is a realistic for you.
for as long i can remember, i have been a member of the i-dont-make-new-years-resolutions club. we consist of about, 60% of the population, and we believe that there is no point in making new years resolutions, as they are just going to be broken in the shortest amount of time possible. we think that we are smart for not bothering with something that will just make us be more disappointed in ourselves, but could it be that we actually don't have the inner strength to change our way of life, or to step out of our comfort zone? the more i thought about it, the more it made sense. resolutions reflect how you are as a person, depending on the type you make, and whether or not you keep it. so does being a member of the i-dont-make-new-years-resolutions club mean that i have little belief in myself and that i think i can't actually accomplish anything? this may or may not be true of me.
either way, i realised that i didn't want to take that risk if having no belief in myself, so i have decided to leave my comfort zone and make a resolution. ideally, it is to give everyone** i know, including myself, a second chance. as in, i am going to clear the slate and start over. i really dont think that you should live a life full of hatred, or continue to hold grudges against people. however, the realistic thing is that i am going to simply attempt this.
starting over with people, isn't about forgetting things that i have done to them, or what they have done to me, but it is about accepting the wrongful act and being able to just, get over it.

**there is only one person who is an exception to this.