Friday, October 16, 2009


the word, spontaneous, describes acts of which are premeditated, natural tendencies or are without effort. and they say that this quality - being spontaneous - is the key to a healthy relationship. we all know that after the first month or two of being in a new relationship, the novelty of it simply wears off, and you find yourself sitting in that place of, "now what do we do?". once you reach this point, and you and your partner don't do anything to alter your positions, then your relationship easily falls into routine. you know, after a while you are seeing each on the same days, for the same length of time. you are having sex at the same place, the same amount of times a week. you are going to the movies or out for tea on the same days, to the same places. it all becomes a tad, boring. for some, this is the breaking point of the relationship. whereas others, seem to make what they have a lot healthier, due to the acts of spontaneity.
for example, the night you tend to go out for tea, your partner spontaneously comes over to your house and cooks it. this action gives you something new to talk about, and simply gives you a fresh, different feel to eating a meal with each other. or say instead of being sexual every friday night when he stays at your house, you stay at his house one weekend and have some fun the next morning. acting spontaneously, gives you a sense of change within a relationship without taking you away from each other.
this success to your love's health got me thinking though. do you already have to be in the relationship for spontaneous actions to lead to something better for you? or can you simply jump straight into a healthy relationship - no novelty - from the single-life, via the acts of spontaneity? in the majority of cases, two people enter into a relationship based on mutual romantic feelings for one another. they want to share stories together, laugh together, watch life go by together. then after the novelty phase, they decide whether or not to play their 'spontaneous card'. i couldn't help but wonder though, is it possible for two people to play their 'spontaneous card' first, and enter into a healthy relationship even though there are no mutual romantic feelings? even if they just have a mutual attraction, and simply just want to get it on, with each other?
i know of a person who entered into a relationship, not based on the fact she had feelings for him, but because she was attracted to qualities in him so she just thought, what the hell. there was no warning she was going to move from the single-life anytime soon, therefore her choice was spontaneous. i recently asked her how things were going and and she said they hardly ever have problems. they never run out of things to say, they miss each other without being obsessive and they can go from serious to having fun in a matter of milli-seconds. these i might add are all obvious signs of a healthy relationship.
after her response i though that maybe no matter where you stand, being spontaneous is the key-factor to happiness. hence, spontaneity + any kind of mutual feelings - novelty = healthy relationship.
if only our maths teacher taught us those kind of equations.

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